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100% Guaranteed Forsure Ways to Win Action

Definitely spend all your time defending a rock. Do whatever you can to the holy boulder and make sure it stays painted your class color. Don’t even go home. The rock is now your home. Sleep at the rock. Eat at the rock. Host thanksgiving dinner at the rock

  1. Paint your entire body your class color in permanent ink. It will look super cool.

  2. Spend all your life savings on the Penny Wars. It is a good use of your money, and despite the several fundraisers they hold, A.S.B just doesn’t have enough money. Who needs to save up for a car anyway? Definitely not the freshmen.

  3. Every time you get teased by another class, take it seriously. It is detrimental to your ego to never let anything slide. Every “boo” you get should feel like someone stabbing your mom.

  4. Purposely fall when the gates open. It will feel super cool and you will get to watch the people in your class leap over you like majestic horses.

  5. Trash-talk the seniors. Basically, since the seniors lost last year they’re losers, all of them. But then again, seniors graduate this year. So who are the real losers?

  6. Record the class dance and post it on twitter with an insignificant meme edited on. It truly flaunts your intelligence and your amazing spy skills. You should work for the C.I.A.

  7. Understand that Action is a life-or-death event. It’s not just a bunch of hyper teenagers going into a sweaty gym to play tug-of-war and balloon pop.

  8. Become your class’ mascot. Find a witch and do some hocus-pocusing. If you’re a senior, become a dragon. If you’re a sophomore, become a goblin. If you’re a freshman, become a gnome. Oh wait, freshmen are already short, funny-looking people. You’re all good.

  9. Know that your class is the best. The couple months that separate each class is essentially a concrete wall that cannot be surpassed. Do not talk to anyone in another class. Do not look at anyone in another class. Just don’t.

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