“Over the course of 5 days, a group of friends experienced one of the deadliest poltergeists in American history, ” reads the opening text for the movie “American Poltergeist” by Mike Rutkowski.
A more fitting precursor to this “masterpiece” would be, “Over the course of 5 days, a group of shallow characters experienced one of the most teeth-grindingly obnoxious poltergeists in horror film history.”
This one hour and eighteen minute long film takes place in a mansion in Fall River, Massachusetts. Five college friends move in with “eccentric” Diana, a creepy blonde-haired chick who looks like she could be anywhere from 28 to 48.
All of the characters are a different type of magnificent, from self absorbed girlfriend Niki who has an IQ of about three all the way to Taryn whose “I’m the center of this hurricane of paranormal activity” spiel is so over-acted and unoriginal that it hurts.
Unfortunately, the characters are not the only aspects of this film that are outstanding. Many of the “jumpscares” are scenes that audiences have seen for decades: ghosts standing in obvious places in order to be noticed, doors closing on their own, feet stomping in the late hours of the night.
There is even a scene where widely useless character Scott, who mentions that he goes to church a couple of times in the movie, suddenly becomes important to the plot.
The crew needs to perform an exorcism, and certified demonologist Scott is just their man! Audiences sit through a couple of slow minutes of Scott waving around a cross shouting, “God, the Father, commands you!” How professional; that demon does not stand a chance.
“God the father commands you” not to watch this ridiculous movie. If, for some reason, you are curious, “American Poltergeist” can be found in the “Teen Screams” section of Netflix.
However, the movie is rated TV-MA, and while there is nothing too graphic, viewer discretion is advised.