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How to get Lucky

Enter the lottery only when the jackpot is at its greatest. The more people playing, the better the chance of winning. It’s simple math.

  1. Watch the Disney Channel Original Movie, The Luck of the Irish. The nostalgia and luck will rub off on you.

  2. Those mysterious beans that you’re not quite sure why you bought from that old man are actually magical. Your luck will totally turn around, so be sure to save them. Don’t worry about selling your family cow. It was worth it.

  3. Dye your hair a faded green. Sure, you might look like you’ve been swimming in a chlorinated pool all summer, but everyone knows only the true way to be lucky is to be green. Literally.

  4. Follow someone named Patrick around all day. He might just be the St. Patrick, who can bless you with good luck. Don’t worry about the potential restraining order. The benefits definitely outweigh the costs.

  5. Kidnap red-haired children. They might be leprechauns who will give you their pot of gold. They also might just be traumatized little kids, but that is a risk you should be willing to take.

  6. Everyone knows that ladybugs bring good luck. So, capture millions of ladybugs and bathe in them. You will absorb their lucky properties through your pores.

  7. Break the wishbones of Spanish Andalusian chickens that have been hand-fed by the gods. If you do not have access to these chickens’ wishbones, Costco will do.

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