Hot Monsters

Dracula: Listen, people, I get it. Twilight made vampires look so hot, and you think Dracula is going to be just like Edward, this sad, brooding, hunk of a man who just needs a little bit of your loving to be good again. And if you thought that, stop right there. Dracula is NOT HOT. The only thing redder than your neck after a night with him is the flag waving right above his head. HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT CONSENT IS. In the original books, he bit Mina Harker three times and doesn't take no for an answer. Is that what you want? 4/10

Frankenstein's Monster: Frankenstein's monster is the biggest case of done dirty by Hollywood out there. If you read the books, he was actually made to be the perfect human man. He's tall, beautiful, intellectual, and he has the most gorgeous long black hair that you know he conditions every night with a small pink strawberry-scented bottle he got from his hairstylist. This monster is not afraid to be kind, and if you ignore his daddy issues, you can fix him. The only thing green about him is his green thumb and the green flag that is his wonderful personality. 10/10

Werewolf: The best part of the werewolf is that in the morning he could be any other guy, but at night he's a beast. You don't have to explain to your parents anything about this monster dating site you've been on, but you also get the risk, the tension of being found out cavorting with this tall hot muscular beast of a man who isn't afraid to explore his more animal instincts. However, he smells like a dog. 7/10

Cthulhu: He may be measured in non-Euclidean geometry, but this tentacled abomination is still a-cutie. He puts the craft and the love in Lovecraft. With all those tentacles and weird appendages, he's just like a big teddy bear, and imagine the beautiful secrets of the universe that he'd whisper to you at night. Only risk? He only consumes human meat, and that's expensive to get ethically. Still worth. 8/10